Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

My Little Vampiress

My Little Witch

(My camera died right after these pics so I didn't get any while we were out trick-or-treating)

Ian went to a party, so hopefully he's not out barfing in someone's lawn. I remember being a teenager on Halloween...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Birthday Jerrod!!!

Birthday spanking Pictures, Images and Photos

Happy Birthday Love!
You are my density...My own Alpha Male.
I love you.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Drug Free America is driving me to drink.

Apparently it's Drug Free week at BB's school. Yesterday they got a dog-tag style necklace and bracelet.

This morning, BB is hollering and crying she can't find her necklace or bracelet. I tell her that getting ready for school is not the time she's supposed to be hunting for this stuff, look for it AFTER school. Still crying, she tells me they're supposed to keep track of it all week.

Really? 'Cause let me tell you - it's gone. We looked everywhere. She cried all freaking morning. She yelled at Molly, she yelled at me. I yelled at her for yelling at Molly. I yelled at her for yelling at me. I yelled at her for not telling me she wasn't supposed to lose it. I yelled at Ian because he was dragging his ass and we were late because we were looking for the stupid necklace.

Then Molly needed bandaids for her scrapes on her leg/arm and I couldn't find the colorful character ones and she didn't want the plain brown ones.

I got to work 30 minutes late.

Jesus H. Christ - I need a drink, a joint, and a valium. In that order.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The NFL is going to be responsible for my ER co-pay.

Might as well get to the obvious first: 6-0 baby, CHA-CHING!!! Woo-hoo, go Saints!

This game was a test in maintaining sanity. At the beginning of the game, I was sure the Dolphins had performed some sort of ritual sacrifice because they were killing us and the refs were making all these calls against the Saints that were unbelievably bad. Then....I'm pretty sure the Saints performed some sort of counter-sacrifice in the locker room at halftime because not only did they turn it around, they ran 'em over, backed up, and ran 'em over again!!!

We had some friends over to watch the game, and oh, the emotions were high. I thought for sure I was gonna be doing some explaining to the EMS and cops about how I had a room full of people simultaneously having heart attacks in my living room!

After the game, after I had cleaned up and put the kids to bed, I sat in the living room and read a book. My husband, his father, and a friend sat in the back yard having drinks. Let me set this up for you: Our living room and kitchen are open and connected, with the back door situated between the two rooms, and they both have large windows that look out into the back yard. We had the back door open and the guys were sitting around the table outside drinking and talking. I guess they forgot I was there, because I was privileged to listen to some pretty open and honest Guy Talk. You know, stuff they don't say when the women are around, and they'd had enough to drink that it was pretty honest stuff. It was intersting - a little bit about life, responsibilities, sex, and sociology; nothing earth-shattering, but still -I don't think women often get to see this side of men and I feel kind of lucky, if that makes any sense.

Oh - and another BB quote: We were at the pumpkin patch, and a classmate of Bridget's showed up. "Oh man, that Steven is a jerk. I don't like him." I told her that's okay but that while we're here she must be polite to him and not say anything rude about him to anyone else. Her reply:
"Ugh...always with the politeness! (sigh) Okay."

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sacrifice is Tasty

I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work the other day, and while I was there I picked up a box of Halloween sugar cookies. When I opened the box, I let Molly pick two - a pumpkin and a leaf. Then I went back to whatever I was doing and when BB asked if she could have a cookie I told her to pick two. Molly was telling BB her cookie looked like a pumpkin, so I asked what shape BB had chosen.

"A goat."

A goat? In a box of Halloween-shaped cookies? Did I miss the small print: Samhain Sacrifice cookies? Is there also a chicken-head shaped cookie in there? A machete? (And why am I not surprised she chose a goat?)

As I started to ask if she was serious, she said "Oh, I mean a ghost." Whew!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Thank God I'm too old for these shenanigans.

For you, SIL, at your request:

The story about the time I got sick on a cop's shoes.

I was - hmmm..19? maybe 20? My boyfriend (now my husband) was working offshore, and I had the night off, so my best friend decided we were going to check out this awesome new club downtown. At that time I was a cute, skinny chicky, and we were all dolled out in big hair and short skirts.

Here's the thing about these kinds of stories - it's hard to retell the story if you blacked out for most of it....

I remember going into the club - you had to take an elevator to the top of the building. It was probably ladies night (do they still do that - ladies drink free?) and I vaguely recall dancing and drinking. At some point I realized I'd probably had too much to drink, and my friend kept telling me I was fine and let's get another drink. When I protested, she dragged me over to the cop who was working the detail in the bar and asked him if I looked like I'd had too much to drink. I remember him saying no, I looked fine, and then we talked back and forth for a minute or two. We decided to go, and I don't remember if the cop was in the elevator with us or if I threw up on him and then we got into the elevator...I know I got sick in the elevator more than once (who'd have thought that was possible - it's a pretty short ride!). I don't know how I wasn't arrested for that, or for being underage in a bar. I can't remember if I got sick in the car on the way home.

We got home and my friend put me to bed. I had to work a double shift at Beninigans the next day - when I woke up I was still drunk and worked the lunch shift like that. I went home and slept for a bit then went back for the dinner shift, except that now I was hung over. I would take an order then run for the bathroom and make my offering to the porcelain god, over and over. One of the cooks would come check on me and hold my hair and put wet towels on my neck. Here's the thing I recall distinctly: It was a slow night and the manager decided to let the senior wait person go home. She wanted to stay to earn money so he let her pick who could go home instead. This bitch told me if I was really sick she would have picked me but because I was just hung over she picked someone else! If I could have stood up without holdling on to the chair I would have beat her with it.

Yeah, there are some things about being younger that I don't miss, like working at Beninigans. (you thought I was gonna say drinking 'till I passed out, didn't you?)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Crazy doesn't come in small packages

As I'm headed home, a car tries to cut in front of the car in front of me to make a left turn from the center lane. The car in front of me slams on their brakes, I slam on my brakes, and the ladybehind me slams on her brakes a second too late and hits me. I'm fine, she's fine. Slight damage to my bumper, much more damage to hers.

As most of you know, one of my brothers is NOPD (stationed in a different section of town). So I call him to find out if I need to get a police report or can I just leave after getting insurance info. He advises call NOPD and get a police report, which I do. As the lady and I are waiting, some homeless guy across the street starts hollering belligerently at us. He's in a wheelchair and had apparently fallen out. He's screaming at us about how we're more worried about our cars than his life. Well, let me tell you - the stuff he was screaming at us - I don't care if Jesus came down and tapped me on the shoulder and told me to help this guy up, there was no freakin' way I was going anywhere near him. He got back into his chair with no problems, and wheels himself over to us, GETS OUT OF THE WHEELCHAIR, and starts to rip parts off both of our cars!!! He was screaming obscenities at us the whole time. Very agitated and aggressive - wished we'd burned up in flames, we were going to hell, we're bitches, he's gonna get us, etc. You would think, guy in wheelchair, are you kidding? But really, he was bad. So we called 911 again after he tried to threaten the other lady and a couple of cars showed up to rescue us.

During this whole thing, I was on the phone between my brother and my husband (who is with the Sheriff's Office) so I must say a big THANKS to you both - thanks for putting up with all my frantic phone calls!

Monday, October 19, 2009


Woo-Hoo!!! Saints are 5-0!!! Time to break out your cha-ching t-shirts! (I know you saved them!)

Yesterday BB went on a Girl Scout field trip - I think it was called a Heritage Journey or something. She got to go to the Cabildo, which is cool - I've never been but it's one of the places I'd love to see.

On the drive home:
BB: How old will I be in 11 years?
Me: You're 8 now, plus 11 years - do the math.
BB: Oh, I'll be 19. Cool! (pause) You'll probably be dead.
Me: (in my head) I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids!!!

I'm getting excited about Halloween. Usually as Halloween approaches I get sad and moody. I wrote a post about it but haven't decided if I'm willing to share. This year I'm actually looking forward to Halloween. I know this is going to sound crazy and self-centered but this year especially I think fate took pity on me and set this up. Will I forget? No. But I think it's going to be a good day - Charlaine Harris and H1/SIL(H) - what's not to be excited about?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Howdy Y'all

I've been thinking about how people speak. Specifically, how Southerners speak; how we turn a one-syllable word into multiple syllables. You know - stretch it out reeeeaaaallll long. And then we add an extra syllable. Words like these, when you live in the South, have 2 syllables:
down: day-own
yeah: yea-ah
there: they-yer
now: nay -yow
boy: bow-wee
will: wee-il

When Molly wants Ian and she's playing around, she'll call him, and it sounds like this: "Haaaayyy Bow-eeeee!" (trust me, coming from a 3-year-old it's pretty adorable)

I think this is a Southern thing, not just a New Orleans thing. Although, now that people move around the country so much, I do wonder if it's everywhere now? Like, I think Y'all used to be southern but is pretty common now, isn't it? Maybe we all just have one American accent?

I told J I wanted to move to England so we could pick up sexy British accents but he told me we were too old. Really? You can be too old to pick up an accent? Does that mean I'm stuck with this one forever? 'Cause I was counting on picking up a Scottish accent after we retire!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Hmmm...this medicine is making my urine smell like spearmint.
I feel like one of the Doublemint twins.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Cough Syrup and Diet Coke do not constitute a healthy breakfast.

I went to the doctor yesterday. He looked, he listened, he prescribed.

I get to the pharmacy and hand over the Rx, and read while I wait patiently for my miracle cure. I start to get funny feeling when the pharmacist calls me over and says "Ms. S, let's you and me talk a bit about your insurance." What can possibly be the problem, I have a national insurance, let's call it Green (Plus Sign). Well, my co-pay for 20 pills is almost $140!!!!! I can't even imagine what it would have been without insurance! So, I call my doctor and tell them there must be some way for me to get better while still splurging on luxuries like electricity and feeding my kids *insert eye roll here*. So yeah, I ended up with something different, but really - $140 for 10 days' worth of drugs? Not even pain killers or muscle relaxers - at least with those I could sell the leftovers and recoup my losses (kidding!! really!!). Unreal.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

cough, wheeze, groan

Yes, I'm still here. Barely alive, but here. After the kids were sick for two weekends in a row, apparently it's my turn. I think it started out as just allergies, but now I think I'm really sick - You know I don't feel good when I've gone to bed at 8:00 three nights in a row!

BB was really good and let me sleep in a bit on Saturday morning, and Mom was kind enough to attend the mandatory parent's meeting for Ian's Confirmation class this morning. Oh, by the way, Ian's Confirmation is October 22 at 7pm at HNM - family (that includes you Mexxican) please mark your calendars accordingly.

Oh, and BB has decided she wants a Quinceañera. I don't even know where to go with that. I tried to tell her she needs to be Latina, but I don't think she cares.

That's all I've got.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Daddy's Girl

Lookie, lookie how sweet my Dad is - he made this for me! (original post here)

My picture is kind of small but if you click on it you can see their pink gloves and stuff...

Thanks Pops - you're the most awesomest Dad evah!!!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Guns and Ammo

I'm reading a book, and the security guy tells the heroine the bad guys have guns, probably handguns, probably a forty-five, they prefer the nineteen eleven.

Me: J - What kind of gun is a nineteen eleven?
J: A forty five.
Me: But doesn't it have some sort of cute name?
J: Yeah, a nineteen eleven.

Okay then.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

A rose by any other name....

What an awesome weekend! Even though BB has been sick (she missed school Friday and has had fever ranging from 100 - 103.8 over the last three days) it was a good weekend for me. I got a TON of stuff done - housecleaning (see previous post), got all the furniture in and the old furniture out, went to the jewelers to pick up my ring (!), went to a new used book store, hit Walmart four (yes four) times, won some books off the internet, organized/paid bills, and other stuff I can't think of. Oh - and I cooked - twice! As in actual raw meat and a stove were involved. And....people ate it and didn't die!

Molly loves her big-girl bed. She took her naps and went to sleep with just a little trouble. She did say she wanted to sleep in her crib but changed her mind. BB gave Molly the bed steps she had in her room because the bed is a bit too high for her to climb on. This morning she figured out she could climb out of bed herself (she did holler "Mom, can I get out of bed?" so sweet!)

Saints are 4-0 and LSU is 5-0!! Whooo-hooo!!! And did you see all the pink on the football players today - that was pretty awesome. J says it's because football players love boobies. Whatev. But here's my question. LSU's stadium is called Death Valley. That's pretty imposing. And since they're an awesome team, it usually does mean death for their opponents. Do any other college teams have as cool a name for their stadium as LSU does?

Friday, October 2, 2009


The furniture guys (I assume they're guys, I don't mean to be sexist but I've never had a female delivery person) are coming tomorrow to deliver a dresser to BB's room and a bed/dresser to Molly's room.

Here's what I did in preparation:
1. Moved furniture from areas where new furniture will go.
2. Vaccuumed all rugs.
3. Swept floor of entire house.
4. Cleaned bathrooms (in case they have to use it).
5. Cleaned dining room (they'll have to walk past it).
6. Cleaned kitchen (in case they need a drink).
7. Picked up all toys.
8. Cleaned living room (they will walk through it), including dusting, and polished coffee table.
9. Made Ian pick up his room.

The only room I didn't touch was my bedroom b/c it's pretty tidy all the time. Why, why do I do this to myself? They're not going to care, but I will. Don't they make some sort of medication for this? I'm not sure if I'm joking.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Please pass the soap.

On my morning drive today, someone did something in traffic that irritated me immensely (Really? Who'd have thought?). So I yelled "OOOHHH - YOU IGNORANT FUCKER!"

Then remembered the kids were still in the car with me.

Me (much more subdued): I mean, Ooohhh - you stupid idiot!

Bridget (age 8): It's okay Mom, just let it all out.