Thank God I'm too old for these shenanigans.

For you, SIL, at your request:

The story about the time I got sick on a cop's shoes.

I was - hmmm..19? maybe 20? My boyfriend (now my husband) was working offshore, and I had the night off, so my best friend decided we were going to check out this awesome new club downtown. At that time I was a cute, skinny chicky, and we were all dolled out in big hair and short skirts.

Here's the thing about these kinds of stories - it's hard to retell the story if you blacked out for most of it....

I remember going into the club - you had to take an elevator to the top of the building. It was probably ladies night (do they still do that - ladies drink free?) and I vaguely recall dancing and drinking. At some point I realized I'd probably had too much to drink, and my friend kept telling me I was fine and let's get another drink. When I protested, she dragged me over to the cop who was working the detail in the bar and asked him if I looked like I'd had too much to drink. I remember him saying no, I looked fine, and then we talked back and forth for a minute or two. We decided to go, and I don't remember if the cop was in the elevator with us or if I threw up on him and then we got into the elevator...I know I got sick in the elevator more than once (who'd have thought that was possible - it's a pretty short ride!). I don't know how I wasn't arrested for that, or for being underage in a bar. I can't remember if I got sick in the car on the way home.

We got home and my friend put me to bed. I had to work a double shift at Beninigans the next day - when I woke up I was still drunk and worked the lunch shift like that. I went home and slept for a bit then went back for the dinner shift, except that now I was hung over. I would take an order then run for the bathroom and make my offering to the porcelain god, over and over. One of the cooks would come check on me and hold my hair and put wet towels on my neck. Here's the thing I recall distinctly: It was a slow night and the manager decided to let the senior wait person go home. She wanted to stay to earn money so he let her pick who could go home instead. This bitch told me if I was really sick she would have picked me but because I was just hung over she picked someone else! If I could have stood up without holdling on to the chair I would have beat her with it.

Yeah, there are some things about being younger that I don't miss, like working at Beninigans. (you thought I was gonna say drinking 'till I passed out, didn't you?)