Who is this Karma you speak of, and why are you calling her a bitch?

The world had two horrible natural disasters this month - the Cyclone Nargis tragedy in Myanmar followed by China's earthquake just 12 days later. Thousands of lives lost in both tragedies. And what does Sharon Stone do? She blames the earthquake on karma. As payback for the crimes of the Chinese government. What a stupid bitch! (I'm not going to link it - just google Sharon Stone karma) Now, I think you know me well enough to know that I am certainly no lover of Communism, or any government that oppresses it's people. BUT, to characterize this tragedy as payback? Oh. My. God.

What her comment did was propel me into an immediate flashback of Hurricane Katrina. So many people said it was karma. Retribution for gays, crooked politicians, "ethnic cleansing". It was none of those things. It was a natural disaster exacerbated to the nth power by the failure of the federal levee system. We did not "deserve" Katrina. Like rape victims, we were not "asking for it".

Which brings me to the recent tornadoes in the midwest. They come every year, and without much warning bring death and destruction. BUT, I do not hear any outcries asking "why do they rebuild? It's just going to happen again. Why don't they just move?" Nor do I hear those questions asked after the yearly fires in California.

I don't understand what's so special about New Orleans that the general consensus is that we do not deserve to be here. You can't tell me the tornado and fire victims are not filing insurance claims (just like we did) and their politicians are not asking for federal disaster funds (just like we did). So why is it okay for them to ask for help but not us?

Are we still here rebuilding almost 3 years later? Yes. But we are rebuilding a whole city. Not just a neighborhood. A. Whole. City. And, for the most part, we are doing it DESPITE our government's "best efforts".

The next time I hear some idiot blaming a disaster on "karma", I'm going to bust up a can of "karmic whoop ass"! Then maybe they'll get it.

Free Winona

I've had an interesting experience with a national department store chain and I can't decide if I feel guilty or lucky...

I have needed new bras for a while now. So, a week or two ago, I decided to remedy the situation. I went to the store that had a "buy 2 get 1 free(b2g1f)" sale, and bought two and the free one.

Here's the way the b2g1f works, they ring up all 3 items, and you only pay for 2, but on the receipt they divide the total price between all 3 items in case you want to return one. That way you don't try to keep the free one and return a full price one, which makes total sense to me.

Well, I ended up with buyer's remorse, so I decided to return one that I hadn't worn yet. Except I could couldn't find the receipt. I remembered from looking at the receipt that the return price was around $16. When I got there, the lady said w/o a receipt they could give me a store credit for the lowest sale price in the last 30 days or something like that. I figured it the price was too low then I'd just keep it. Then she scanned it and it rang up as a $28 credit! Hmmmm.....

But that's only partly where I feel guilt/joy....later, I decided I really did need that 3rd bra, so I went back yesterday to re-buy it with my store credit. It was on sale for $17! The exact same bra, same style, color, and size.

So, to recap: purchased for $16, returned for $28, re-purchased for $17. So if my math is correct (which it never is), I think I paid $4 for this bra?! Do I feel guilty? It's not like I tried to scam the store, I couldn't find my receipt. I had no idea I'd get full price credit, but it would be insane to tell them to credit me less, right? And when they were on sale when I went back, I would be crazy to demand to pay full price, right? No? I don't know....

Guilt. Joy. Guilt. Joy......

Rose-colored glasses

Well, my optometrist appointment was today. I made this appointment six weeks ago and have been so excited to be getting contacts. I hate not being able to wear sunglasses (especially when driving on a sunny day) because I must wear prescription lenses. So, the optometrist is a really nice guy who asks a bunch of questions, looks at a few things, and then....he holds my glasses up backwards in front of my eye, tells me to look through it, then slowly turns them clockwise...and the picture goes from blurry to clear! Neat trick I say! Except that it's not so neat a trick, it means that I have astigmatism. Not only do I have it, but out of the three types I have the most difficult to correct with contacts. BUT, he's willing to work with me and try a few before he gives up. So, I've got my first pair of lenses in, and they seem to be working great for distance, but my computer screen is blurry, so I don't think these lenses are THE ONE. So, wish me luck - I'm soooo tired of glasses (and whipping {Cool Whip, no it's Cool Wip. That's what I said: Cool Whip. But I digress} them off my face before Molly gets them!) We'll see (pun intended!).

Ian and BB have two more days of school left - can you see what's left of my sanity draining out of my ear? Continued prayers for Ian's grades please. He's been studying so hard, I'd hate to see it not show.

Take a picture, It'll last longer!!!

You've all been so good, here's a few pics to reward your behavior:

My baby:

My other baby:

This is the look we typically get:

I don't see any hate in this picture!

aaahhh, spagetti!!!

Me and Molly-Moo at French Quarter Fest...

We are family, I got my brother with me!

Molly and her Michael:

Just another typical H-Clan Family Dinner...

Well....it started out as a nice family dinner. J decided spur-of-the-moment to make Mexican, so we invited the NO branch of the H-Clan.

Actually, let me start Saturday night. KenEllie were over, and they were talking about some problems they were having with their windows that needed caulking. So Ellie is going on about needing to caulk this and that, and Ian is laughing so hard he's almost soiling the carpet - he thinks she's saying "cock", not "caulk". (Oh, God, he's gonna be a teenager for how much longer?) Well, then he's talking about getting "Johnson" to "cock" it for them. Because we all know what a "Johnson" is, right? Then BB gets in on the act. She's just laughing b/c Ian is laughing. And saying "Johnson" over and over. Shit. So I explain to her some people say "Johnson" as another word for penis. Ew - she's over it.

Fast-forward back to Sunday dinner. Without giving you a play-by-play (it was a long dinner filled with plenty of laughs), here were some of the highlights. Those of you who are easily offended may want to skip this part..... Okay, let's see...we talked about our upcoming Disney trip. Apparently we missed Gay Days by one week. When I mentioned that Pirates of the Caribbean is closed while we're there, inevitably a "butt-Pirates of the Caribbean" joke finds it's way to the table. Straight down "gutter lane" we went. We talked about H1's junk....yes, you read that right. Specifically, it was mentioned that Ian once had H1's junk in his mouth. (I'm sure he'll never forget that day - ouch!). Apparently there was a story about H1's junk told loudly and drunkenly on Chiafamily's front porch one night in the past? Somehow that moved into "H1 and the Sorcer's Stones", "H1 and his Giant Serpent (wink, nod)", "H1 and the Prisoner of Ass-Caban". I think you get the gist. (See, Houston H-Clan, we missed you!!!!) And of course the whole dinner was peppered with "Johnson" and "caulk" references.

And then, of course, there was this. You're all getting them for Christmas, I'll let you pick the disease. And I want this for Christmas - write it down.

The food was good, the company was great, and I think everyone had a great time. I'm looking forward to a repeat tonight at Chia's house for BBQ and swimming.

Please say a prayer (or ten) for Ian, his exams are this week and he needs to do well.

Oh yeah, 18 days until vacation, beyotches!!!!!

Jane Austen Fun

Take the Quiz here!

The coming of the Apocolypse has been foretold.

It's true. Ian and BB got along yesterday! They actually laughed and traded a few jokes. I couldn't believe my eyes/ears. I thought for sure locusts would start falling from the sky. I did see a termite, does that count?

I took BB and Molly to see B&Js new baby - too cute! I got to hold the baby, and Molly was soooo jealous!!! She kept grabbing my skirt (which is now a bit loose) so I had to hold the baby with one hand and my skirt with the other! Then, she kept crawling under my skirt to play peek-a-boo!

Oh, and not to make you jealous or anything (well, actually, that's exactly what I'm trying to do), we are leaving for Disney/Universal in 23 days!!!

Down with the Sickness*

*Disturbed

Well, Molly-Moo has been sick for a week now. Last Friday (May 9) she had a runny nose, which is still ongoing. However, last Tuesday (May 13) she started with a fever, which is still ongoing. I took her to the Pediatrician on Thursday and he said it was a virus, but I'm concerned she's had a fever for almost 7 days now. I'm pretty sure that's too long for her to be mainlining Tylenol and Motrin. The sad part is that yesterday she was crying and she brought me the bottle of Tylenol (which was a wake-up call b/c I didn't realize she could reach that high!). I stayed home 2 days with her last week and J is home with her today. Waiting on call from Pediatrician as to what to do next.

Oh, and we found termites in BB's bedroom. The pest guy came and said it was early and they were looking for somewhere to hang out, so they sprayed and told us to get rid of our ferns as they create a nice place for them to start into the house. So, we cut out the ferns and since the chainsaw was out J also cut down a few bushes that had lately turned into trees. Yesterday I planted the front garden (where the tree/bush used to be) and while it looks a bit sad now I think once everything "roots" it will be good! It's weird to drive up and see the front of the house instead of that fugly bush.

Earlier this week:
BB: I can't wait to have a boyfriend.
Me: Boyfriends are a pain in the butt.
BB: Boyfriends are a pain in the cute (pronounced key-UTE)!!!

Kenellie commented that all my kids have flat butts except Molly, who's still in a diaper. My reply - That's her "ba-diaper-donk"!!!

School is out in two weeks -Yay! Please say a prayer for Ian as he is struggling and if he can't come out of it he's gonna have a crappy summer.

May days.

What an awesome Birthday/Mother's Day weekend! My family really made me feel special all weekend. I was showered with love and AWESOME gifts (and food) all weekend. I cannot thank everyone enough for the thoughtful and extravagant gifts. And what a surprise to see H1 and SIL(H) sitting at the table on Friday night - you Houston Herricks are sneaky, sneaky.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Thanks for being such a great mom and friend!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!!

30 Rock*

*One of my favorite TV shows and my girl-crush Tina Fey.

Well, this morning I finally hit the 30 lb mark!!! Yay! Woo-hoo!! Now, for the 15 more I want to lose by vacation - going to be hard but I think I can get close....I haven't been able to find a "mayo bitch" for this weekend so we'll see how it goes. I guess 10 lbs in 5 weeks is doable.

J is getting his tattoo finished tonight. We were talking about it last night and I told him if I can get Molly-moo to sleep maybe Ian can babysit and I can stop by and hang out while he's getting inked. BB pipes in that she wants to go too. I told her she can't go because kids aren't allowed in tattoo parlors. She counters that with "there are kids in there on Miami Ink". I told her that's a TV show and so their rules are different. Her reply? "It's still a tattoo parlor. Get your details straight!"

How new is new?

Well, today is the one-year anniversary of my new job. If it's been a year, is it still my "new" job? Considering I was with my last employer for almost 14 years, I would say this one is still new. I still miss my co-workers, especially my diet buddies.

Which segues into my diet progress....I had gained back one pound and was very upset with myself but I am happy to say that I'm back on track and that pound is gone. I'd still like to lose 15 by vacation (38 days - but who's counting?), but not sure if that's possible, especially with all the food events planned for this weekend. I'm gonna need some help, so at every meal I'm at this weekend, I need a designated "mayo bitch" to spread mayonnaise over everything on my plate when I'm not looking. Or, maybe just waft an open jar under my nose. I'll be so disgusted I won't be able to eat!!! Ugh, just thinking about it is making me cringe. Yuck.

It's a beautiful day...Don't let it get away!*

*U2, "Beautiful Day"

Oh. My. God. If you could see my face right now. Want to know what it looks like? Look in the dictionary under "red". Or look at a crawfish, or a tomato, or...you get my point. The bridge of my nose hurts when I smile. But you know what? It was wonderful!!! JazzFest was awesome! The weather was beautiful. We walked around for miles, listened to great music, shopped, ate, spent time alone and hung out with friends. We caught Santana, The Neville Brothers, Amanda Shaw, and tons of other acts that I can't name. We are so totally doing it again next year! The only thing I didn't see that I did look for was the "jazz nest".

Of course, my diet has gone to shit. There was so much wonderful foot at Jazz Fest - crawfish bread anyone? And hurricanes, and Louisiana strawberry shortcake, and (oddly enough) gyros. And yes, I brought some crawfish bread for lunch today because it is so awesome. Saturday J picked a gazillion blackberries at work and made pancakes on Sun morning - yummy! This losing 15 lbs by vacation is not going well. My birthday is Sunday (yes, Mother's Day) so I'm finding it hard to believe I will be dieting that day. BUT, I don't want that 15 lbs I want to lose turn into 16 or 17, so I guess I need to channel my inner diet nazi. Tomorrow.

Popularity is overrated.

I know I've talked about my extreme shyness before. Which, when I think about it, makes no sense that I have a blog. Hmmm...Anyhoo, we all know I'm more the "few close friends" than the "lots of social friends" type, and that my last best (non-family) friend left before the hurricane. Geez, that's 3 years. You also know J and I are not going to our 20-year high school reunion because I dread seeing all those people that I haven't kept in contact with even though he wants to go (thanks babe!).

Here's the thing. Someone from my past has contacted me. So far, I have only replied with "Hi, yes I remember you, I married that guy I was dating when I knew you, how are you?". I feel like I should start communication with this person, but something inside me keeps stopping me. What if they're weird/emotionally needy/stalker? OMG, who thinks that? Freakin' internet, giving people ways to contact ANYBODY.

OK, I have a husband who works more than full time, and a 14,7,and 1 year old, and a full time job. I moan that I miss my girlfriends, but do I really have time if they were still here? I talk to some of the moms at birthday partys, but that's no way to maintain a friendship (although I don't really see one developing past casual aquaintance). So why am I so freaked out about a new (old) friend? I'm not on myspace, classmates.com, or any of those sites, I guess because I'm scared of running into someone I know? Is that a normal reaction? Do I need medical intervention?

Would a normal person be stressing out about this?

Weighty Issues and Future Fun

Well, someone at work asked me if I was losing weight!!! Yay - that made me feel pretty good. Then she cornered me twice to see how I was doing it. I'm still stuck at the 28 mark, but basically back on track with a few slips so hopefully it will start moving along again. I'm sure the margaritas last night didn't help!!!

Tomorrow we go to Jazz Fest - can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!! Thanks again to Chiamom for watching the kids - they'd be miserable out there, which would translate into J and I being miserable too.

H2 and H2GF took the kids to chinese buffet Thurs night. Ian opened his fortune cookie, read the fortune and said he always gets stupid fortunes, why can't he get a fortune that says "you're going to get lucky tonight"? Oh, the hormones!!!! hahaha!