The Cougar Hierarchy, The Building Blocks of Sandwich Making, and Don’t Look At My Kids While I’m Busy Judging Yours

So I’m hanging out with the family the other night, and one of the kid calls me old…

Hubs: Your mom’s not old, she’s a cougar.
Kids: Cougars are old.
Hubs: No they’re not – it goes like this: Feral Cat, Puma, Cougar, Lioness. Your mom’s not a lioness yet – then she’ll be old.
Me: Thanks honey… I think.

So, I think it goes like this:

Feral Cat: Megan Fox
Puma: Kate Hudson
Cougar: Demi Moore
Lioness: Sharon Stone



On to the sandwich talk:

Talking to SIL(H) the other day, and I mention I don’t eat sliced bread. She tells me H1 doesn’t either. I tell her I don’t eat Peanut Butter; H1 doesn’t either. Or Jelly. Then it really gets weird – she’s telling me how he had to bring his lunch while he was on crutches b/c it took him too long to get to the cafeteria, so she’d make his lunch. Me: “I hope you didn’t make it the night before.” She starts laughing – H1 says don’t make it the night before, no condiments until you’re ready to eat it, and no cheese, it makes the bread soft.

I need to know what happened in our childhood that we have the same sandwich hang-ups. Were we punished with old lunches?

Oh, and speaking of Michael and Hannah – I came up with a cute name for them…not Hannael, Not Michannah, they’re the Titanium Twosome!!! Her arm and his hip – get it? Aaahhh – I crack myself up!



Okay, and lastly, I’ll leave you with a snapshot of my stellar parenting skillz:

In the Chinese restaurant yesterday, the 10yo and the 4yo are singing “F You”…’cause that’s really what you want coming out of your children’s mouths. Then, on the ride home, they’re singing (and dancing) to Jane Fonda (by Mickey Avalon)… and I wonder why Molly has such awesome pole-dancing skills!!!