If you're feeling suicidal, you probably shouldn't read this...

Damn! Things have been crazy - new parent seminars, overtime, regular household/family stuff. No time to take a breather yet - J's out of town again until Friday. I was filing away old bills and stuff last night and ended up with a facefull of dust, so today I feel like crap. If I could spend the day in bed with a fistfull of tissues that would be heaven, however, I am not in bed, so I am in hell. And, if I have to be miserable, so do you - prepare to wallow in misery with me:

Lately, I've been thinking about the people I surround myself with. I haven't had a best friend (or, BFF haha!) since before the hurricane. It's hard not to have someone to confide in and just goof off with or go out to see a show. I don't know why I haven't been able to find another friend, I guess I just don't have time? I've never been one to have loads of friends, I like to have a small group of close friends rather than a large group of casual friends. But, since Laurie moved away and Dawn lost her mind I just haven't had another friend, and it's bothering me. I really miss that female comraderie and "girls night" or just calling to hang out or bitch about our spouses (J - I NEVER bitch about you, honey).

Let me stop here and say I have two lovely, wonderful SILs who I LOVE to spend time with, but they are married to my brothers, not to me. And they have their own friends. And yes, J is my best friend, but he's not a chick (thank God!) so it's different. But even at school meetings, dance class, or whatever, I just can't seem to meet anyone (that sounds like I'm trolling for a date - ugh!). You'd think I'd be friends with my neighbor, as she has a daughter in BB's class and she seems to be very nice but a friendship just hasn't blossomed.

I don't know what it is. I know I don't have an outgoing personality, but this is getting ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful life, a family who loves me, a comfortable home and a great job. But what I am missing is important too. Think about your best friend (or, in some cases, friends). Okay, now imagine life without that person(s). It sucks, and honestly, it's lonely.

When was in 9th grade, I used to sit in Civics and bitch to my friend Cynthia that I'd never had and would never get a boyfriend (she was quite promiscuous - looking back maybe not the best person to compare my dating history against). She'd laugh and tell me of course I would, I just have to be patient. Then I met J. and look at how wonderful he is. So, I know I just have to be patient and another friendship will blossom, but it's hard not to be frustrated.

Well, if you haven't jumped out a window, thrown yourself under a moving car or slit your wrists yet, thanks for sticking with me. I'm not asking for a bunch of comments about what a good person I am - I know I'm a good person and a good friend. I'm just writing about what's on my mind, venting, if you will. I know this will pass, and if it doesn't, then I'll deal with it.