Geritol, Paxil, or a Gun?

I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking about aging a lot lately. You know my latest obsession (and that’s exactly what it is at this point) is the Twilight Series. I linked to the movie trailer. The star is pretty good-looking….and 16 years younger than I am. Which made my head hurt. Because it hit me – I’m almost 40.

How the fuck did that happen? I’ve been sliding along in my 20’s and early 30’s, and NOW I’M ALMOST 40??! I don’t understand where the time went. So I started looking a bit closer at clues that should have tipped me off:

1. I have a 15-year-old son. I was not a teenage mother.
2. WHAT?!! Wait – 15 years old? Where did the time go? He’s supposed to be, like, 8, right? When did he grow up?
3. I’ve been married for 16 years. And I was not a child bride. But it doesn’t FEEL like 16 years have gone by. It doesn’t even feel like 10 years have gone by. How can I still be this much in love after 16 years of marriage? That couldn’t be right, could it?
4. Our 20th High School reunion was last summer. I REALLY didn’t want to go, so Jerrod was gracious enough to humor me, even though he wanted to go. But how could it have been our 20th reunion? Our 10th reunion was just a few short years ago, and even that sounds like too many years gone by. Hmmm…that can’t be right.
5. I color my hair, not because I don’t like the color but because I’m covering the gray.

But I still don’t get it….I’m young! I have a 1-year-old baby! I have a tattoo! I listen to today’s music! How the fuck did I get old? There must be a mistake. I don’t wear a lot of the latest fashions, but that’s because I’m fat. And I’ve been working on that lately. Successfully, I might add.

Then another lightbulb flashed over my head. Have I been spending so much time obsessing about my weight that I’ve completely the fact that I’m getting older? Oh. My. God.

I’m so frustrated. I’m finally starting to feel good about my weight (better anyway), and now I feel like even if I do get my weight where I want it, that doesn’t change the fact that I’m almost Methuselah Junior.

I feel like I can’t win. Part of this is why I’ve been cranky for the last few days. You know, annoyed. I feel like a permanent frown. Even Ian asked about it. Huh.

I don’t have an end to this post. I’m still cranky and I still feel like I’m a million years old. It’s not like I can go on an age diet. I can take all the happy pills I want and I might not be irritated as much but I’ll still be old. What’s a girl (girl, snort! Yeah, right.) to do?