Monday, March 31, 2008

My "New Orleans" Moment

As many of you know, Al Copeland (founder of Popeye's Fried Chicken) died last week. His funeral was today. I heard that his mausoleum was surrounded by his cars, motorcycles, a speedboat, two monster trucks, and his racing boat. Approximately 10 racing cars and sports cars with several motorcycles between them were parked nearby. Wow!

This afternoon, as I was driving back to work from the MMS, I was stopped at a red light, and suddenly a whole legion of motorcycle cops comes cruising by, lights and sirens going strong. Then, a hearse, followed by a Rolls, a Bentley, and approximately 15 stretch limos. Hmmm...what anonomyous citizen of New Orleans could have possibly been in that hearse? The crazy thing is, that's probably the closest I've ever gotten to Al Copeland in my life!

So, I guess that's my "New Orleans" moment, morbid but true!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

While I'm at it...

While I'm on the subject, I'd like to tell (or in some cases, retell) Ian's Creepy Childhood Stories. I never really made the connection until I was writing my last post, but maybe Grandpa Smith was taking advantage of being able to say hello to the grandson he'd never meet. It's possible right? I mean, Ian was in that "in between" stage, alive but not born. So it might have been the perfect timing for Grandpa to say hello.

This got me to thinking about how Ian would freak me out when he was small. When he was a baby, he would wake up at night wanting to be fed. After eating, he wouldn't go back to sleep, he'd stare at the wall and smile and laugh. Not just a single laugh, but an ongoing belly laugh. If I moved position he'd move his position so as to be looking at the same spot he was looking at before I moved. I spent many a night wondering what the hell was he laughing at and should I be calling an exorcist.

Then, when he was about 2, we lived in a very small, old shotgun house. During this time, he had two imaginary friends, Karen and Fence. Not Vince, because we asked, but Fence. He would hang out with Karen and Fence and talk to them all the time. I know, lots of kids have imaginary friends. But the reason I mention them is to differentiate between his imaginary friends and "the other stuff". Let me give you the layout of the house: living room, then french doors opened into J and my bedroom, then a small doorway into kitchen, a small hallway with a bathroom on the side and Ian's bedroom at the end. On several occasions, as we were leaving the house, Ian would yell "Wait!" and run back into my bedroom, lean under the computer desk and say goodbye. When we asked if that was Karen or Fence, he would answer neither, but he never would tell us who it was. Also, after we had been living there a few months (we lived there exactly one year), if we were in the living room or my bedroom, and he wanted a toy, he would not go through the kitchen alone to get to his bedroom. He didn't like "the man" in there. I have to be honest, that was part of the reason we started looking for somewhere else to live. It just creeped me out that there might be a questionable spirit living in our house. And that Ian could see him.

After we moved the weird stuff pretty much stopped. BB never had those issues. No imaginary friends, no weird nocturnal laughing, nothing. And I'm good with that.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have....*

*The Facts of Life (80's TV show for those of you too young or senile to remember)

Report cards are in. BB got straight As. Ian is still having a tough time and pulled a few Cs again. He may not be going back into the Honors program next year. I can't help but it my parenting? Did HNM not prepare him for high school? Does he not want to make the effort? Or is it really just too hard? I just don't know. And I hate not being able to solve it. Obviously, as a parent, I want the best for my children and from my children. There's no denying Bro. Martin is a good school. HNM I'm seriously having my doubts about and am now very thankful that BB is no longer there. I suppose my answer could be a combination of all of the above. I don't know. I just don't know.

Hannah posted an interesting blog yesterday. In a strange coincidence, a coworker at work on Thursday told me an interesting story about her grandfather. Part of the reason it's strange is that we work at different ends of the office and so rarely see each other. I can't even remember her name, that's how rarely we talk. We got in the elevator together to go home, and she mentioned her grandfather died a day or two before and she was having a hard time with it. They were very close and he had been sick but was getting better. Then, suddenly he aspirated and died an hour before she could get there. She was so upset she didn't get to say goodbye. Then, that night, he came to her in a dream. She said she wasn't really asleep but not awake either. He spoke to her in spanish, which she said he always spoke to her in spanish and he was the only person she spoke to in spanish. He told her two words, which she wrote down before drifing off. The words he spoke translated to "my beautiful one" and "thinking of you with fondness/sadness". He spoke one more word which she didn't rouse herself to write down and now can't remember. The next afternoon she and her husband were taking their daily walk and she heard one of the words her grandfather spoke. It was a man, calling his dog by the same name. She said she walks that route every day/same time, and she's never seen that man or his dog.

I told her I was sure that her grandfather came to tell her it was all okay and he loved her. Then I told her my story about MY grandfather. Some of you know this story, some of you don't. So, for those of you who have never heard the story, here's the condensed version:

Grandpa Smith died right around the date I was "supposed" to give birth to Ian. Because of that, I couldn't fly/drive up with the family for his funeral. One night, while I was asleep, he came to me to tell me he was okay and happy. In my dream, we were in a reception hall, sitting on folding chairs, and he was there, wearing the brightest white tuxedo I have ever seen (and a red cumberbund - don't know what that was all about). I am telling you, he was super bright! He smiled at me and leaned over and touched me. A jolt went through me that was so strong it woke me up. It was like an electric shock. I could feel where he touched me and I was tingly all over for at least 10 minutes after I woke up. To this day I am sure he came to say goodbye to me (and possibly hello to Ian, because I'm SURE he felt it too) because I couldn't come to him.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Tell me if I'm wrong on this...

but I don't think I am...

In a public restroom, if there is a row of stalls and you have to "drop the kids off at the pool", you should, as a courtesy, use the last stall. That way, no one has to walk through your stank to use the facilities.

Someone here at work keeps using the 2nd stall (because, in addition to not using the last stall, they also don't courtesy flush and leave floaters on a regular basis) and it's making me crazy/disgusted.

If we don't have courtesy our society will revert to anarchy and we will live like apes. And I ain't pickin' and eating bugs off of anybody!! That's all I'm sayin'.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Blogday!

I know, I know, it's Easter and I should be sending out happy Easter wishes, but it's also the one-year anniversary of my blog. whole year of mindless drivel, or as chiapop likes to call it "keyboard diarrhea". Well, I hope if you have happened across my little page that you have enjoyed it, not thought to yourself, "there's a minute or so of my life I'll never get back. Thanks alot, Patti".

BB's Quote of the Day: We were at Easter Vigil last night (2 hours, oh my God) and BB was getting bored. "When are we going to get the bread and wine?" she asks (she doesn't get Communion yet but does walk up for a blessing). "Soon." I replied. "We're getting soup?" She asks. Hahahahaha - that girl is too funny!

May you all have a happy and blessed Easter and here's hope that the world will soon be at peace.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Friday Good

Happy (?Sad? Merry? Sorrowful? What exactly is the greeting for this day?) Good Friday. Went on the 9 Churches walk with KenEllie and Chiamom - Oh my God my legs are sore!!! I did not realize it is a 5 mile walk! But it was good as usual (all 2 times I've gone I mean) and since one of my lenten resolutions was to go to Stations of the Cross it's good that I've now gone at least once. AND, I'm sunburned on 3/4 of my face (think Phantom of the Opera mask) - hopefully that will cover up with makeup!

Took my car to the shop today for new tires and breaks. They're keeping it overnight which is bad b/c J works tomorrow so now I'm without a car, temporarily. Some of you may be getting a phone call tomorrow :) Then we went to Marrero and bought shrimp, took it home and boiled it. Sat outside and ate shrimp with J and the kids - just quiet good times in the backyard. I hope that flashes before my eyes at "the end" too.

As I write this, Ian is on a date. Damn, I'm pretty old. How do I have one child dating and one in diapers? WTF were we thinking? Oh, yeah, I remember.... (heh, heh)... Moving on... he sent J a text that he's happy. What more could any parent ask for?

Speaking of J, he's been home for a week now and I couldn't be happier. He's been hanging out with the kids, done some home-repair chores, and most importantly, spent time with me!! It's a nice change from wondering where he is and what he's doing. It's like we're married. Oh yeah, we are married, although you can't fault me for wondering about his "other" family!

And, I have to share with you my new obsession - Nina by Nina Ricci (turn down your speakers). I love this stuff!!! Originally, I just wanted it because, yes, the bottle is shaped like an apple. But, turns out it smells great! It was okay in the bottle, but it really goes well with my pheromones, or personal scent, or hormones, or whatever. Love, love, love it!!!

So, I finally got BB to start reading Pippi Longstocking. She's reading it out loud and says "They were fond of her and she of them" or something like that. BB asks me what that means, and I tell her that means they like her and she likes them. "Oh, so they're gay." Hahahahahaha!!!!!!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Reaper Madness

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I forgot to wear green today, so pinch me! I forgot to send the kids to school with something green, so hopefully they don't get pinched.

On Saturday, BB, Molly, and I walked around the corner to a garage sale. Nothing big, I picked out a few shirts for Molly and a picture frame for me. BB saw a dress that she loved, and wanted to try it on to make sure it fit, so she put it on over the clothes she was wearing. It's a bit snug, but the lady told her she could have it for free (it was marked $.50) and if she lost a few pounds it would fit really well (she's right). She was so excited she got a free dress! So, BB wore that dress over her clothes all the way home. Picture this, BB running up the sidewalk, pushing Molly in the stroller, wearing pink "Vans"-style tennis shoes, a jean skirt with pink camo trim and matching shirt, and over all of it a sleeveless brown dress. As I walked behind them I thought to myself, if your life really does pass before your eyes when you die this is the kind of moment I hope I see.

Later that afternoon KenEllie came by, and we were looking up songs on youtube with Ian and I mentioned that song from the early 90s (?) "Detachable Penis" and Ian played it on youtube. Fast forward to bedtime, I'm tucking BB in and guess what she starts singing? You guessed it..."But Mom, I can't get it out of my head!"

J came home yesterday - yay! To celebrate we went to Chevy's with Mom and Dad. The service was horrible, let's leave it there. Ian and BB rode with Mom and Dad to the restaurant, and apparently had this conversation:

BB: I've never been down this street before.
Ian: Yes you have.
BB: Okay, only once. But other than that, never.
Dad: If you've done something once, you can't say you've never done it, because you have.
Ian: Like virginity?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Can we widen the door so my ego can fit through?

It has been a pretty good 24 hours. This morning I hit the 20 pounds lost mark!!! I'm feeling better about being able to stick with this but only feel minimally different (some clothes fit better but some still don't fit right). I keep reminding myself I will be able to notice a change soon.

AND, I got a call yesterday from an employment agency that wanted me to interview for a medical malpractice law firm. She said she thought I was exactly what they wanted and they were offering more than I'm making now!! BUT, I really like it here so I didn't even hesitate to say no thanks. It's more than I'm making but not enough to make me consider leaving what I consider to be a "cush" job. It did give me a nice little ego boost though!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Happy Birthday Kenny!

Happy Birthday to my youngest brother and Harry Potter "partner in crime"!

World's tiniest fiddle

The plumber came. We don't have a clogged pipe. We have a broken pipe. Not good, not good. Ordinarily it would be okay but it's just bad timing (isn't it always?). We need a $380 camera scope to determine where the break is, then they can give us an estimate for repairs. Shit.

Ian overhears and comes to me last night to offer me the $100 he has in his room in cash, and tells me if we need to we can borrow his money in his savings account. What a sweet kid - I didn't know whether to burst from pride in my wonderful son or cry! So I went to hug him, and as I put my arms around him I realized my head was at his chest. Oh My God!!! When did my baby boy grow to the size of a man?

Monday, March 10, 2008


I just finished reading The Bookseller of Kabul by Anne Seierstad. It is the story of a Norwegian journalist who was in Afghanistan after the fall of the Taliban and, through a chance encounter, ended up living with an Afghani family for three months. All I can say is, Wow. This book makes me grateful that I was born in America. Their society and customs are unbelievable. The very basic freedoms that women do not have are unfathomable to me. I can't even begin to express my feelings - I recommend this book to anyone and everyone. I do not know that even if we (the U.S.) were successful in our efforts in the Middle East, that the women there would have any change in their difficult lives. Before the Taliban it was better, but after the Taliban there is only fear. The religious and moral taboos are so strict and, in some cases, ridiculous, that I don't see how it could ever be better for women there. To not have a voice in your own future. To not have hopes or dreams. It's a sad life for them. A very sad life indeed.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

I had crawfish and you didn't.

Let's start with a feature I haven't done in a while: BB's Quote of the Day. We were in the car yesterday, and Ian was complaining about Maynard's fleas. He didn't want to brush him b/c he didn't want to get fleas. I told him he doesn't have to HUG him, just brush him, but he wasn't convinced. Finally, BB pipes up from the back seat "Ugh, just be a man already!" I laughed so hard I almost drove off the road.

Poor little Molly is doing much better. Now she just has a runny nose. It's pretty gross, but we'll get over it. Her cheeks are really rosy (the steroids I guess?) so she looks very cute - blonde, pale, and rosy cheeks. But her appetite - Oh my God!!! This kid is eating everything in her path. We went to a baby shower today and she tried to eat the fake fruit - twice! She ate two bowls of gumbo, two tuna fish sandwich quarters, a handful of grapes, pineapple, orange slices, crackers, and when my attention was directed at BB for a moment, Molly grabbed a chunk of heavenly hash off the buffet!!! Lastly, she had an apple. She clutched this apple to her chest and wouldn't let it go. She'd take a bite and then hold it while she was playing. She held it all the way home and I finally got it away when I changed her diaper.

The crawfish boil Friday night was AWESOME!!!! The weather turned out cold and wet, so the men boiled outside and we ate inside. It was perfect - not too spicy (except the mushrooms - youch!). The corn burned my mouth but not so much I wasn't willing to eat it! And S&D brought this olive bread that was to die for! DtM came and KenEllie came and I think they got their fill. BB and S&D's youngest played all night. I think a nice time was had by all.

J is gone, so of course the natural course of things is for the washing machine to break. I'm hoping to get it fixed Tuesday when I take the day off due to the babysitter going to a funeral. Keep your fingers crossed the plumber is available Tuesday!!

*Special thanks to KenEllie for coming to pick up Ian to sleep at ChiaPop/Mom's house tonight so that I don't have to get up early to drive him to his ride to school. (I know, I know, run on sentence!) You rock!!!

Friday, March 7, 2008

What? Huh? I'm awake, I'm awake!!

Work is getting crazy again. Both secretaries are off today, so the last thing they told me at work yesterday was, "You've got to come in tomorrow. Absolutely. The only reason not to be here would be if you were in the hospital."

Famous last words. I went to bed last night at 9:30, then got a call from one of BB's friend's mother. So then I went back to bed around 10:00. Around 10:30-11:00 Jerrod comes into the bedroom holding Molly, who sounds funny. Barky, even. And she smells poopy, so I take her into her room and change her. But she's crying/barking, and when I look at her to give her words of soothing comfort, I realize she looks a bit blue around the lips and nose. So - off we go to the Emergency Room. Where we stayed until 3am. Turns out she has croup. They gave her a steroid shot, two breathing treatments, and a prescription for Orapred. By the time we got home and into bed it was 4am. I got up for work at 6am. And Molly was crying, and a bit barky again.

Oh, and while we were there, Ian called. Around 1am he woke up to a nosebleed all over his pillow and sheets. And I wasn't there for him. I know he's a teenager and can sort of take care of himself, but still, my poor baby (teenager)!

So, now here I sit, tired, waiting for the pediatrician's office to open, half-lidded eyes staring at nothing. Dreading the words that I know are going to be coming out of my mouth, "I know you said it was gonna be a big day, but I have to leave......" I feel guilty for leaving work, and I feel guilty for feeling guilty about taking care of my baby. I think that's the only part the 'women's libbers' didn't take into consideration, and it's a bitter pill to swallow. Shit.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

If you're Number One, does that make everybody else Number Two?

Yesterday morning, I pulled over across the street from Mom and Dad's house to let Ian out so they could take him to school. I had a package for them to take to SIL(H) this weekend, so I also jumped out, package in hand, to run it over to Mom. As I'm pulled over and Ian is lifting the trunk to get his books out (he and I are standing near each other behind my car) this guy drives up in a truck and stops his car in the middle of the street, probably less than 2 feet from where Ian and I are standing. Then he starts revving his engine. Then he revs it more, until his tires are spinning and the smell of burnt rubber is in the air. Neighbors come out of their homes to see what the noise is all about. Ian and I are trying to cross the street but obviously we are not going to cross in front of this nutjob. Then he takes his foot off the brake and speeds up about 50 feet and parks on the other side of the street. Ian heads into Mom's house, I run up to her front door and drop off the package and head back to my car. I needed to talk to one of the neighbors about taking Ian to school Monday, and since he was standing on his porch wondering what all the noise was about, I talked to him for a few seconds, got an affirmative answer, got back in my car and drove away. The whole incident lasted maybe 3 minutes from the time I pulled over until I pulled away.

Here's the thing...I didn't know I was "parked" in front of his apartment. I simply pulled into an empty spot to drop something off and leave. Had he pulled up, stuck his head out of his window and said, "Excuse me, you're parked in front of my house" I would have moved up. Even if he didn't say anything and had simply waited patiently in the street one moment, I would have been gone in 30 seconds. But no, he had to be an asshole (that's his new name, by the way) and because of that people came out and I took the opportunity to talk to them too, because by that time he was up the street. I didn't even realize until later in the day that what he did was really dangerous. Had his foot slipped, he could have killed Ian or myself. So now, I'm pretty pissed. I'm thinking about putting Anger Management information in his mailbox. I'm wondering if I should confront him and tell him I'm considering pressing charges - maybe "intimidation with a deadly weapon" or "attemped assault with a deadly weapon"? You all know I'm a very non-confrontational person, so this whole scenario has me very perplexed and conflicted.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Never stick your penis next to another man's face*

Weird week. Work was a lot of hurry up then stop, then hurry up again. I actually missed our first "end of the month" party Friday afternoon, but I was makin' overtime, so I was smilin'!!

BB is Student of the Week next week, so we had fun putting together her poster. Basically, each kid gets a turn to do a poster of photos: what they like to do (play with her friends), eat (sushi - Yeah, I was surprised too!), read (Junie B. Jones), etc. It was fun going over her baby pics and reminiscing.

I have to say, I am full on in the throes of PMS, and J has been soooo sweet about the whole thing. I have been a crabby, moody, cranky bitch for 2 days, and he's been the best husband ever. He did major yard work and even removed the old A/C unit that died the summer before Katrina. He fed me sushi and has been so sweet I want to cry. (full disclosure: with PMS I'd probably want to cry anyway.) And, he's been a huge help with printing out some things for BB's project. I LOVE YOU J!!!

Well, I went to our last party at the Children's Museum today, yay!!! Next week I have 2 baby showers, but hopefully the birthdays are done for a while. AND, we finally got together with our friends (for a crawfish boil - it was awesommmmeeee) and brought over the Christmas gifts we hadn't had time to exchange. So, as of today, my house has no ungiven gifts laying around. My closet is my own again!!! No moving stuff around or tripping over presents in the dark. Ahhhh, feels good!

Note to H1 and SIL(H): can't wait to hear about "your" fingers are crossed and my eyes are clenched shut (making it hard to type) hoping, hoping, hoping.

*fatherly advice from J to Ian when he was sitting down and Ian walked over and stood next to his head.